


Some Things Take Time

by Invader_Grey



Series: Genderqueer Sam Winchester [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Ficlet, Gen, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer Sam Winchester, Minor Ruby/Sam Winchester, Post-Season/Series 03, Sam Winchester is a He/Him Lesbian, Sam Winchester-centric, Trans Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invader_Grey/pseuds/Invader_Grey
Summary: Stanford gave Sam the room he needed to figure some things out about himself, but not everything processes quickly.
Series: Genderqueer Sam Winchester [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129904
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Some Things Take Time

Sam found a lot of things out about himself those two years at Stanford. He discovered that he liked ungodly amounts of creamer in his coffee, that he liked country music better than his dad’s constant barrage of classic rock and oldies, and that, if he tried very, very hard, he could fit in just like one of the regular kids. He also realized that being called "Mr. Winchester" made his skin crawl, and not just because it made him think of his dad. He figured that since exploring had taught him so much about himself, he may as well explore this, too. So he’d gone to a couple meetings of the LGBT group on campus.

The first few had been… _a lot_ , for a kid who grew up on backroads with a dad who wouldn’t let him wear pink, but they hadn’t been _bad_. He’d read some of the pamphlets, and chatted with some of the kids during the social part of the meetings, and it hadn’t been too hard to learn all of the terminology, when he was already learning so much. But it was still a lot to think about, and there was so much else going on. If he was being honest with himself, Sam thinks that there was just so little about his identity back then that was stable; it was the longest he’d ever been away from both his dad and Dean, and he was finding out all of these new things about the world, about himself, and he had just needed this one thing to remain fixed. So he had been a little slow with it, and dipped his toes in, but he hadn’t really allowed himself to put a name to it. He’d never gotten around to fully realizing the shape of it, let alone coming out. It wasn’t something he’d thought he needed to rush.

But then Dean had come to get him at Stanford, and he’d just… put it on hold. It wasn’t that he’d stopped feeling it, wasn’t that being called a man tugged at his skin any less that it had before, but there just wasn’t enough room to deal with it. Being with his family was always kind of suffocating- he was always Dean’s baby brother, John’s youngest boy, never just _Sam_. Without the room he’d had to breathe and be himself at Stanford, his thoughts had kind of skirted around the nebulous thing that was his gender; feeling at the edges, but never delving too deep. And then there was the whole ‘boy king of Hell’ thing, and trying to get Dean out of his deal, and it had just fallen into the backseat. But now? Now his dad was dead, and Dean was dead (although not for long, if Sam had anything to say about it), and he was by himself again. Well, almost by himself- but Ruby was good company, and she seemed roll with it pretty well when he told her he didn’t think he was a guy, so he figured it wasn't that bad.

He didn’t really feel like a woman, either- at least not a very feminine one- but it felt better that ‘man’, so he’d tried that out for a month or two. Asked Ruby to use she/her pronouns for him, thought about himself a little differently. It hadn’t quite stuck. Eventually he’d done a little more introspection and settled on ‘genderqueer’. And it wasn’t that big of a difference, really- he still dressed the same, and he’d gone back to his old pronouns; most people didn’t even know he wasn’t cis. It wouldn’t have even felt worth all the thought and effort he put into it, except for that fuzzy feeling he got whenever Ruby called him her girlfriend, and the weight that slipped off his shoulders when he pictured himself in his head. How his skin fit a little better than it had before. It wasn’t a lot, but he felt more confident in himself now, and that was definitely worth something.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thank you for reading! If you have some thoughts on this fic and/or trans!Sam headcanons to share, leave a comment or find me on tumblr @dykecassandra.


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